You know how you'll be reading something online or you'll be ensconced in conversation with someone, and they say something that just makes you internally clench your fists and mutter "stop it stop it stop it"? I find myself clenching an awful lot. I like to imagine myself as being terrifically laid back, and in certain ways, I am. I'm oddly relaxed when semi-serious things are afoot, but then will find myself spinning off the map over small, inconsequential things.
Hence, this blog. Hmmm.
Well, today I feel compelled to share some items that cause me to have a case of the Stop Its, and perhaps it will wind up being one for you to grow on. Or clench YOUR fists and mutter "stop it stop it stop it".
*Stop it with the insty undermining yourself and your efforts in any given thing. When you're paid a compliment, is your immediate reaction to list all the reasons why you shouldn't be paid said compliment, whether it's on your work, your appearance, or pretty much anything? Do you fall over yourself to ascribe acclaim to others when you know goddamned well you're the reason why Thing X came to fruition or worked successfully? Humility has its time and place, but no one on this crisp earth is required to be eyes-downcast-humble 100 percent of the time. If you've worked your ass off on something, then by crumb claim that success and the work you've put in. Stop having "well, you know, I got lucky and I suck at bocce and I have uncharitable thoughts occasionally about whiny children and I don't give enough to charity and my ass is huge" be your go-to yammer if someone says "I appreciate your help" or "That's a nice blouse" or "damn, you knocked it out of the park on the Bob Cumbers account".
*Stop it with the thought that you need to be someone's White Knight/saviour/personal cheerleader all the time. It's a personal philosophy that there's a fine line between truly nice and downright fucking creepy. I'm extremely aware of how I present myself at all times because I'm very fond of thinking before I speak or type. When confronted by someone who doesn't sport my level of self-awareness, it's usually not long before the fists begin to curl and the muttering begins. A whole lot of bad behavior gets swept under the rug because there are way too many people eager to call it being "nice" instead of "intrusive, rude, and scary". Perhaps I'm too judgmental of others who are simply trying to be "nice"...but more often than not, my instincts prove me out to be correct. If you're feeling like you have to immediately leap to someone's defense or wax someone's car on a constant basis because that's your "thing" to be mega! super! supportive! 110 percent of the time...well, you might want to re-think your approach because eww. It's not a fucking rule that you have to like everyone and everyone has to like everyone.
*STOP IT with the "I'm so edgy because I had sex/made out with someone once of my same gender" shit. No, seriously, stop it. It's obnoxious. If that's the only thing that you imagine makes you interesting, read a book or take a trip or something. Sure, in certain discussions, it might be appropriate in the context of the convo. But if the discussion is about shoes or X-Box? Fuck off. (And I'm talking about folks who, after their "dabbling", have retreated back to the safe, comfy heteronormative world. You know the folks I mean. I know that you do.)
*STOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP IT with the hamhanded, unclever, cringe-inducing public online "flirting". Oh, it's so gross. Really, it is. This is something that makes me clench AND double over AND stomp my foot, begging for stoppage. Believe me, if something's funny or clever, I will overlook shit. But when's the last time you've seen internet nerdery engaging in flirting that's on any planet within the Clever solar system? If you want to flirt, fucking put some thought into it, not just spouting off sentences that inevitably wind up involving the phrase "that's what she said".
And finally:
S to the T to the O to the P with the "internet persona" crap. You know the first thing I think when someone says "Oh, so and so's really nice in person" when so-and-so's been a complete douchebag fuckface freakwater online? I think so-and-so's a gigantic ass. I don't care if zie fosters puppies and helps at soup kitchens when zie's not participating in the internets. If you act like a jerkweed whenever you're within 50 feet of a keyboard, I don't have time for you.
Now, I must admit I'm a bit of a Sally Two-Face when it comes to online versus offline behaviors, because if someone is giving what-for to someone else that I find to be annoying/abhorrent/weaselly, chances are I'm not going to see the guff-giver as Satan Incarnate - but someone else might see Guff-Giver as the villain versus the dingdong Guff-Giver is what-foring.
However, it's important to note that your friends are allowed to have friends that you find to be utter nincompoops. You might have to suck it up every now and then to be in the presence of the nincompoops, which is a downer. But if you have to clench your fists, perhaps save it for when you're in the restroom or in your car afterward when you talk to yourself (there's no way I'm the only person who does this....right?) and you can say "STOP IT" as loud as you want.
